Conflict is a natural part of every marriage, but how couples handle disagreements determines the strength and health of their relationship. St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body (TOB) teaches that marriage is a gift of self-giving love, and conflict resolution should reflect respect, patience, and a desire for unity. How can couples resolve conflicts in a way that strengthens their bond rather than weakens it?
Understanding Conflict as an Opportunity for Growth
Many couples see conflict as something negative, but TOB teaches that challenges in marriage can lead to deeper love and understanding. Instead of avoiding or suppressing disagreements, couples should approach them as opportunities for growth, healing, and deeper unity.
“Love consists of a commitment to the other person, with all that this entails.” – St. John Paul II
Common reasons for conflict include unmet expectations, miscommunication, emotional wounds, and stress from external pressures like work or finances. Rather than seeing conflict as something to fear, couples can use it as a way to grow in love and maturity.
Practicing Self-Giving Love in Disagreements
TOB teaches that marriage is about total self-gift, meaning that love should be freely given, not demanded. In conflict, couples should focus on understanding and serving one another rather than proving themselves right.
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2)
To approach conflict with love, couples should stay calm and respectful, listen with empathy, acknowledge each other’s feelings, and use “I” statements instead of accusations. Before responding in an argument, it helps to pause and ask: Am I speaking with love and respect?
The Importance of Forgiveness in Marriage
One of the greatest obstacles in resolving conflicts is holding onto past hurts. TOB teaches that forgiveness is essential for healing, unity, and peace in marriage.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
Forgiveness requires letting go of resentment, choosing to move forward, praying for healing, and apologizing sincerely when necessary. Letting go of past wounds allows the marriage to move forward in love rather than being stuck in bitterness.
Seeking Unity Instead of “Winning”
Many conflicts escalate because couples focus on who is right and who is wrong rather than working together to find a solution. TOB teaches that marriage is about unity, not competition.
“The two shall become one flesh.” (Mark 10:8)
Couples should recognize that they are on the same team, compromise with love, and pray together after a disagreement. Instead of fighting against each other, they should ask: How can we solve this problem together?
Inviting God into Conflict Resolution
TOB teaches that marriage is a reflection of God’s love, and couples should seek His guidance when resolving conflicts.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives generously to all without reproach.” (James 1:5)
Practical ways to invite God into conflict resolution include praying before discussing difficult topics, reading Scripture together, seeking counsel from a trusted priest or mentor, and receiving the Sacraments to strengthen the marriage.
Key Takeaways for Resolving Marital Conflicts with Love
See conflict as an opportunity for growth. Approach disagreements with self-giving love, not selfishness. Forgiveness is essential for healing and unity. Marriage is about teamwork, not competition. Invite God into your marriage for wisdom and strength.
By handling conflict with patience, love, and faith, couples can strengthen their relationship and experience a deeper, more Christ-centered marriage.