Love in marriage is often misunderstood as mere romantic attraction or emotional excitement. However, St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body (TOB) explains that true marital love is a combination of eros and agape—two distinct but complementary types of love. Understanding the difference between them helps couples cultivate a deeper, more fulfilling, and lasting relationship.
What Is Eros?
Eros is the passionate, romantic love that draws a man and a woman toward each other. It is the desire for union, the attraction that leads a couple to seek intimacy and closeness. While eros is a natural and beautiful part of love, it cannot sustain a marriage on its own. When love is based only on passion or feelings, it can become self-centered, focusing on personal satisfaction rather than the good of the other.
What Is Agape?
Agape is selfless, sacrificial love. It is the love that chooses to give even when emotions fade or difficulties arise. Agape reflects Christ’s love for the Church, as He gave Himself completely for humanity. In marriage, agape means seeking the good of one’s spouse before oneself, forgiving, and loving even in challenging times. This type of love requires commitment, patience, and sacrifice.
The Balance Between Eros and Agape in Marriage
A strong marriage requires both eros and agape. Eros brings joy, excitement, and attraction, while agape ensures that love remains faithful, unconditional, and self-giving. When eros is guided by agape, it becomes not just a desire to receive love but a desire to give love. In this way, intimacy in marriage is transformed into an expression of total self-gift, reflecting God’s plan for human love.
How to Cultivate Agape Love in Marriage
To ensure that love is not based only on emotions, couples must intentionally practice agape. This includes acts of kindness and service, prioritizing one another’s well-being, forgiving mistakes, and remaining faithful even in difficult times. Praying together and seeking God’s grace help strengthen agape love, allowing the relationship to grow in depth and holiness.
Key Takeaways
Eros is the romantic, passionate aspect of love, while agape is selfless and sacrificial. Marriage must be built on both, with eros guided by agape to prevent love from becoming self-centered. True marital love is a balance of passion and commitment, joy and sacrifice, attraction and deep self-giving. When couples embrace both types of love, they experience a marriage that reflects God’s divine plan.